The Things I say (to a brick wall)

I love my two Brick Walls.  A lot.  But if Donald Trump could apply the same impenetrable force to his borders,  as Teen 1 and Teen 2 put up when I’m talking, the Mexicans wouldn’t have a chance.
Mothers.  Nagging.  Almost synonymous.
Ask any mum, though, and they’ll say it’s not nagging – it’s discussing, teaching, explaining, asking, and even sometimes complaining.   Ah, what can you do?  My mother used to say “If I say it nicely you think I don’t mean it”.  She was right, we didn’t.  After 512 mentions of putting the pump-up scooter away, and she had blown a gasket, we would finally do what we were told, and think what a grumpy old nag she was.

They didn’t USED to be Brick Walls.  When they were still “Spongey Matter” I gave “loving” instruction which sunk in like gumboots in quicksand….it stayed there!  I taught them to brush their teeth, have a shower frequently , to do their homework, one even makes me tea sometimes! They were to eat at the table with the family, say please and thankyou, look people in the eyes when they spoke to them.  When they were Spongey, they learned to thank the other parent for having them, be caring and kind and not swear at home.  The Spongeys soaked up these things easily and well,   I’m proud of them for it. They’re very polite and kind.  Osmosis is a wonderful thing.   It was when the Spongey Matter began to crystalize into something non-porous, around 15 years, that the newer Pearls of Wisdom which I frequently threw at them, began to bounce back.  At that middling stage I was occasionally stunned by a ballistic pearl which came shooting back at me with a bit of adolescent attitude.      NOW they don’t even bounce.  They ‘donk’ onto the older teenage cranium, and drop to the floor with a dull thud.   My fabulously intelligent Pearls of Wisdom are lying around on the kitchen floor, getting trod in with random bits of cooked rice and old peas.  These days the Brick Walls don’t much bother with attitude, they just ignore everything. Occasionally you get back the ‘look’ of condescension. “I’m a Brick Wall, what do you expect?”

The things I say (to a brick wall)

  • Answer your phone when I call you, and text back when I text you. ” ******* ”  Well, turn it up louder.
  • Eat lunch, or do you want me to eat it for you?  “*******” Well, don’t go looking for something at 5.30pm when I’m starting to cook dinner.
  • Don’t just drink all the milk, drink some water if you’re thirsty. “*******”  Because it costs money and water is free AND better for you. “*********”  I don’t care if you think it tastes boring.
  • Take a jumper. “******”  Tie it around your waist then. “********” Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  • Can’t you put your clothes in the laundry instead of a stinky rolled up pile at the bottom of your bed. “*****” Yes, but I do the laundry nearly every day, and they’re making the house smell like cat piss.
  • Empty out your bag.   “********”  Your lunch will grow legs and walk off, that’s why.
  • Why can’t you put the things I just ironed away? “******”  Not as much work as it was to iron them.
  • Have you got sunscreen on?  ******* Where it always is.
  • Can’t you turn the bathroom fan off for once? “******” Garbage. It’s been on for an hour.
  • Will you turn your bloody bedroom light off! “******” Well, you don’t look like it – you look like you’re sitting on the lounge.”*******”  But you’re not the one paying the electricity bill.
  • Is it so hard to lift the damn toilet seat up, and put it down again?? “*******” Of course you didn’t do it, it was the Pee fairy.
  • Are you deaf? I said NO skateboarding on the floorboards! “********” I don’t care if the wheels are soft,  you didn’t pay for the floor.  “**********” There’s a perfectly good road out there. Go play on it.
  • Why do I have to tell you EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT….to empty the dishwasher??? “********” No. Because no one reminds me to do all my jobs, I just have to remember them by myself. “********” Well, Boo Hoo. Just do it.
  • Clean your room/cupboard/wardrobe etc   “********”   They probably don’t, but I know it is”**********” It’s not a waste of time, you’ll probably discover all sorts of dust covered objects that you’d forgotten you own.
  • No.  YOU put your own doona cover on.”********” No. You don’t want to be 25 years old and still not know how to make you’re bloody bed.
  • Why is there water all over the bathroom floor again? “********”  No, of course it wasn’t you. It was the Slop fairy.  “*******” I don’t care, go wipe it up anyway.
  • We have soap. “*********”  Well, why is the soap still looking new after 4 weeks? “********” Showers are not for just standing in.
  • Why is your wet beach towel rolled up on your floor? “********” When was that going to be? next Tuesday? “********” Well, do it now, otherwise it will turn to compost!”
  •  Close the door! it’s hot and I have the airconditioner on!
  • Yes, I WILL watch ‘Call the Midwife’.  “********”  I don’t care if all the groaning is interrupting your homework.”********” It’s not disgusting, it’s natural.” “**********” I’m not going to argue about this with you. “******”   I am not creepy, I can watch what I like.  “********” Well do your homework in a different room!!!!
  • WHO ate my Cornetto??? AGAIN! “*******” Of course it wasn’t you, it was the Fat fairy. “*********”   Why shouldn’t I? you all had one, and I bought them.  “*******”    It’s FROZEN! It’s not going to go off.

I’ve tried various wall-shattering techniques – the high pitched screech of High C, the laser Def Con 1 eyes, the earthquake foot stamp, the ditto defence (but then you just have two walls).   I feel like I’m the Mexicans trying to get in, and they’re the Donald Trumps.
I think I’ll just have to wait. From what I’ve told, walls weaken around age 45-50, at which time they may be coming up against their own little ‘Barriers’. I’ll continue to throw small gems at them, and maybe some will end up finding a crack in the mortar, meanwhile I’ll just love them to bits  😀

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